I began my masters, and was studying enjoyment
side by side. Don’t get me wrong, I took my studies
seriously. I just know how to manage both of them
well. Enjoyment took me from a size 10 to a 12/14.
But then, in my mind,
“I still dey ok”.
was nothing to watch. My friends were not remaining
slim either. Infact, me and my sister, Nkoyo, were in an
unconscious race of who will be fatter.
I remember a call I made to my dad. Won’t ever forget
Me: hi dad. Good afternoon. How are you doing? (All d
while scratching my ears, cos I know say na rubbish I
Dad: HI Chika. I am fine thank you.
(Skip all d pleasantries)
Me: Daddy, please I will need some money. My clothes are
getting tight, so I’ll need to get a few extra clothes.
Daddy: (laughs) do you think that is the solution? (Laughs
again). Why don’t you try to work on what is making
Me: ok dad, I will. But for now, let me get some.
Dad: ok, let’s see what I can do
Now you see why I said I will never forget the
conversation? I felt really foolish afterwards. So after all the school wey dem send me, sense still far from me
Let me confess to you, Remembering this
conversation between me and my dad made look at
myself in the mirror again, head to toe. And all I could
do was shake my head for myself. I am a perfect
example of the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.
Sweet mouth won’t just let me be great.
Anyway, back to my tale.
So the day, after our conversation, I took rehearsals in
the department serious (I studied theater arts). Before
we begin rehearsing, we’d do body and voice exercise.
I wasn’t so interested in the voice exercise, because
come what may, a frog is still a frog.
But you see the
body exercise, hmmm, I gats be like beyonce o. Or at
least, return to a size 10. I took the exercise seriously,
but you see ehn, this thing they call ‘being naive’? Chai!
I was an olodo in body training. After all my efforts,
next thing I’ll do is head straight to the cafeteria with
people that were not bothered by their weight.
When I noticed no change. Omo! Your girl had to go
scout for online exercise videos. I also added dancing
every evening in my room to my routine. But you see ehn,
when village people mean you! Hmmm! While dancing,
I will have a small bottle of magic moment chocolate
vodka beside my small Bluetooth speaker. When I
sweat small, I pause for a drink. (Remember I said I
used to love alcohol). Little did i know that alcohol sef
get in own for body. And then, I did not take
enough water. I did not know how important it was to
drink at least 3 liters of water in a day.
… I honestly wish I could provide pictorial evidence
to my story, but stories that touch happened to the
pictures. Plus, your own imaginations should spice up
I continued in my ‘foolery’, till my result-less exercise
almost frustrated me. So I decided to register in the
university’s gym. Praise the lord! I won my flesh and
actually registered. After registration nko, aunty oya
begin go na. This was when I discovered my hidden
talent – excuses.
See me showing off na. Our instructor even
used me as example. The Thursday after registration,
our instructor called us and said Thursday is sports
day, so we were going to play basketball on a school’s
court not so far from the gym.
We packed our bags, and walked under the hot sun to
our destination. When we got there, he divided us Male
vs female. Mind u, I never play basketball for my life
before o. I sha know say person go hold ball, bounce am,
pass am, and try to throw way am for net wey high gan!
And so the games began. I just kept on running around
like a rat looking for food. When my hand eventually
touched the ball, as I jumped to throw the ball inside d
net, I ended up throwing myself away. My brethren,
I had a ‘knee on’ collision with a guy and all i remember
after that was there was blackout for about a minute!
Low and behold, the guy’s knee had succeeded in
breaking my own knee. So i fell to the ground with a