I began my masters, and was studying enjoyment

side by side. Don’t get me wrong, I took  my studies

seriously. I just know how to manage both of them

well. Enjoyment took me from a size 10 to a 12/14.

But then, in my mind,

“I still dey ok”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Besides, there

was nothing to watch. My friends were not remaining

slim either. Infact, me and my sister, Nkoyo, were in an

unconscious race of who will be fatter.

I remember a call I made to my dad. Won’t ever forget

the conversation.

Me: hi dad. Good afternoon. How are you doing? (All d

while scratching my ears, cos I know say na rubbish I

wan yarn)

Dad: HI Chika. I am fine thank you.

(Skip all d pleasantries)

Me: Daddy, please I will need some money. My clothes are

getting tight, so I’ll need to get a few extra clothes.

 

 

Daddy: (laughs) do you think that is the solution? (Laughs

again). Why don’t you try to work on what is making

them tight.

Me: ok dad, I will. But for now, let me get some.

Dad: ok, let’s see what I can do

Now you see why I said I will never forget the

conversation? I felt really foolish afterwards. So after all the school wey dem send me, sense still far from me

small. Chai!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me confess to you, Remembering this

conversation between me and my dad made look at

myself in the mirror again, head to toe. And all I could

do was shake my head for myself. I am a perfect

example of the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.

Sweet mouth won’t just let me be great.

 

Anyway, back to my tale.

So the day, after our conversation, I took rehearsals in

the  department serious (I studied theater arts). Before

we begin rehearsing, we’d do body and voice exercise.

I wasn’t so interested in the voice exercise, because

come what may, a frog is still a frog.

 

 

But you see the

body exercise, hmmm, I gats be like beyonce o. Or at

least, return to a size 10. I took the exercise seriously,

but you see ehn, this thing they call ‘being naive’? Chai!

I was an olodo in body training. After all my efforts,

next thing I’ll do is head straight to the cafeteria with

people that were not  bothered by their weight.

When I noticed no change. Omo! Your girl had to go

scout for online exercise videos. I also added dancing

every evening in my room to my routine. But you see ehn,

when village people mean you! Hmmm! While dancing,

I will have a small bottle of magic moment chocolate

vodka beside my small Bluetooth speaker. When I

sweat small, I pause for a drink. (Remember I said I

used to love alcohol). Little did i know that alcohol sef

get in own for body. And then, I did not take

enough water. I did not know how important it was to

drink at least 3 liters of water in a day.

This life!

 

 

 

 

 

… I honestly wish I could provide pictorial evidence

to my story, but stories that touch happened to the

pictures. Plus, your own imaginations should spice up

the story.

I continued in my ‘foolery’, till my result-less exercise

almost frustrated me. So I decided to register in the

university’s gym. Praise the lord! I won my flesh and

actually registered. After registration nko, aunty oya

begin go na. This was when I discovered my hidden

talent – excuses.

 

See me showing off na. Our instructor even

used me as example. The Thursday after registration,

our instructor called us and said Thursday is sports

day, so we were going to play basketball on a school’s

court not so far from the gym.

We packed our bags, and walked under the hot sun to

our destination. When we got there, he divided us Male

vs female. Mind u, I never play basketball for my life

before o. I sha know say person go hold ball, bounce am,

pass am, and try to throw way am for net wey high gan!

 

 

And so the games began. I just kept on running around

like a rat looking for food. When my hand eventually

touched the ball, as I jumped to throw the ball inside d

net,  I ended up throwing myself away. My brethren,

I had a ‘knee on’ collision with a guy and all i remember

after that was there was blackout for about a minute!

Low and behold, the guy’s knee had succeeded in

breaking my own knee. So i fell to the ground with a

twisted leg